How being alone could be an opportunity?
Why be alone?
How often do we hear the saying, ‘no one wants to die alone’? Or ‘I don’t wanna be alone’ or ‘I always feel alone’?
It took me years before I realized to be with someone I need to learn to be ‘whole’ on my own. In the past I bought into the narrative ” we must find someone to be happy in life”. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s an amazing notion. And in all honesty I once found that somone. The love of my life and I lost her.
Not because I fell out of love but because I didn’t know what I wanted out of life. I didn’t know myself. I underestimated the importance of self-reliance. My lack of clarity impacted those around me.
Looking back had I known more about my ownself I could have made a better partner. I could have had one of the greatest gifts of life, spend my life making someone happy. A glimpse of life with unconditional love.
Years of ambiguity and lack of self reliance eventually taught me I needed to know myself first. Once I started to know who I am I started to realize what I am in a relationship. It goes even further, knowing how to be alone without feeling lonely leads to overcoming obstacles. If we know how to be alone we learn how not to rely on others. And if we learn how not to rely on others we could actually be an example or a leader.
To be clear the idea isn’t to be alone, it’s actually to become more through self reliance. Growing up I thought trying to avoid pain is key to living well. But after loosing my father even before I turned 8 I learned life is unpredictable at best.
That was the first biggest life lesson for me. Until that day I always thought my father would be with me forever. As a 7 year old I guess being naive is typical. I didn’t understand how life could turn upside down unexpectedly. Few years after loosing my dad I realized why self reliance is imperative.
Right after the passing of my father I was angry and devastated. I couldn’t understand nor did I want to why it had to be my dad? Why I had to say goodbye to my father even before he turned 40. Well I still haven’t found the answer however I realized I was asking the wrong question. Would I want someone else suffer what I did? No, that would be far too selfish. The right question was how do I move forward after loosing the most important man in my life? Do I stay angry and blame all my failure on god or do I try my best to be a good person? Do I focus on being someone my dad would have been proud of?
Few years ago I lost my mom to breast cancer. I watched my beautiful mother wither away. So you can imagine what I thought of life after loosing my other parent. If you guessed unfair, you would be right.
One of the most crucial lessons in life I had to learn was, I simply cannot avoid pain and uncertainties. And another lesson was pain and loss do serve a purpose in life.
What does it take?
What does it take to master self-reliance? Well, basic answers would be focus along with discipline and a purpose. However there is more to it, which I am finding out as I go. There are times achieving being alone seems like a gruelling task. There’s no one to push or pull you. If you fall, you have to get back up on your own. Yes the prospect of self reliance is daunting. However the strenght and fortitude it takes to get through obstacles in life alone could be astonishingly rewarding.
I also squandered a relationship with a woman who is in every measure too good to be true. She was the one true love. And I took her for granted. What is worse, it took me almost a decade to realize what I had done.
So now I wanna get to my point about “what it takes”? With therapy and lot of soul searching I realized it takes winning the inner battles. What happens in life often beyond our control, however what I become day by day is up to me.
Being the best version of myself became the right answer. So I started searching for clarity. I started focusing on my strength, and most importatnly my weaknesses. I had to be honest about what I was not capable of and how I could become more capable.
It is indeed a difficult process yet worth everything. Being on my own gave me opportunities to do things otherwise I woun’t have, some are good and some are not.
What is your bucket list
- Travel at will, see as much of this beautiful world as I could.
- Learning a little more about cooking.
- Stick to a routine to go to the gym and eat healthy.
- Work on a hobby or passion.
- Meet strangers, create more friendship.
This is just a sample list. You might have your own, things you’ve always wanted to try. What would be the things you would look back and be thankful for? Anything you’ve ever wished you would have done to make your life more complete.
Again, the best version of yourself. If you find a way to be the best version of yourself I feel life would come together. We are always work in progress however progress doesn’t come easily.
Life is certainly better if we have someone to share it with. However to share something with substance we must become person of values, become an asset in a way. So let’s always keep that as our primary focus.
Solitude could be rewarding if spent building towards a better you.
Estimated reading time: 5 minutes